The Vanderbilt Vendidad

Bobby Johnson is leaving. Don’t know why, don’t know how, don’t know who’s replacing him. The Vendidad has been quite busy this morning, making gut decisions and vague, baseless proclamations. I am now going to put those in ink:

1. Bobby Johnson is leaving, which makes me feel CONFUSED, SCARED, and CLIPARTY.
2. No one knows why he is leaving, or who will be his interim.
3. Plans for “wheresbobby.com” (a Bobby-Johnson-tracking GPS-based website) are shelved until further notice.
4. Jamie Graham has announced his intention to transfer via facebook. This is the worst thing.
5. Promise: If Ted Cain is named interim head coach, The Vendidad will become a softcore porn/celebrity gossip blog until he is removed from that position.
6. The Vendidad officially supports MIKE LEACH as the next Vanderbilt Commodores HC.
7. If Phillip Fulmer becomes head coach, The Vendidad will organize a mass pooping-on of Dudley Stadium, though at that point it would be very much redundant.
8. If Jamie Graham leaves, I will post a video of myself crying before every Vanderbilt Football event for the 2010 season.

More to come. Thanks to @MattRMerrill for the tip.