The Vanderbilt Vendidad

Apparently, just down the road a ways, the University of Tennessee had a staff change of some kind. I know this because one of the good men down at Ushuaia Weather Report got tear-gassed in the face during the subsequent riots.

Now there are many angles I could (and very well may, in the coming days) take. For example:

1. My hatred goes as follows: Kentucky basketball > dick moves in general > UT football. That means that, as it is basketball season, I don’t really care that much about Lane Kiffin’s incredibly douchey departure, excepting, perhaps, the marginal amount that it increases Vanderbilt’s chances of winning against UT next year. That said, my intense hatred of Kentucky basketball and dick moves in general leads me to feel not glee, but minor sympathy for the Vols. The simple Vol fans were duped and exploited by the handsome yankee. It’s like Rain Man without the happy ending.
2. When folks in the media/around the SEC/named Lil’ Wayne mentioned what a total arrogant jerk Lane Kiffin was, Tennessee fans responded with some comment about how people always hate the best, or something stupid like that. When Kiffin gave ‘em the ol’ Kiffin, you got this enormous, Scooby-doo, spittake “WHAWHAWHAAAAA????????!?!!???!!1” reaction. Attention Tennessee fans: when some people talk, it’s not trash talk, but observation about reality. Don’t act so surprised.
3. The rumor mill:

I’ve heard some great rumors about the incoming coaching staff. Things like Jeff Fisher, John Gruden, and Mike Leach coming in to coach. Together. But none are more preposterous (and frankly, legitimate), than the idea of getting Phil Fulmer, the Man Who Is Literally Incapable Of Performing Any Functions Other Than Coaching Football And Replacing Denim Waistbands With Elastic Ones, to come in as Athletic Director, the position that involves doing everything except coaching football games.

Please, UT. Please do this.

The current problems (arrests of herds of UT athletes performing major crimes together/disloyalty of disloyal people) are due to a lack of class and dignity in a program, and bringing in the man with more arrests under his watch than any coach in the history of the NCAA, the inspiration for the “Fulmer Cup,” to run EVERYTHING? Brilliant.

Let me go one better:

Five words:

Tennessee Head Coach Ted Cain.

Any questions?