The Vanderbilt Vendidad

MALZAHN’S AGENT: (whispering to Malzahn) Tell them you’ll take it, but that they just need to get the money right
MALZAHN: Hey, Vandy, I’ll take it!
DAVID WILLIAMS: Hooray! We’ll just call our other options and tell them “Thanks, but no thanks; we’ve got the hottest assistant coach in the country.” I sure hope they don’t leak it to anyone, but what the heck. It’s a done deal, right?
MALZAHN’s AGENT: (whispering to Malzahn) Okay, Gus, now tell Auburn you’re leaving.
MALZAHN: Hey, Auburn, it’s been great, but I’m leaving.
AUBURN: NO! We’ll do anything! We’ll do a Tiger Walk in front of your house!
MALZAHN’S AGENT: (whispering to Malzahn) Well done, Gus. Now tell Vanderbilt you might change your mind.
MALZAHN: Seriously?
MALZAHN’S AGENT: Trust me.
MALZAHN: Hey, guys. I’m thinking about staying at Auburn.
DAVID WILLIAMS: Oh shit.
MALZAHN’S AGENT: Voila. Now no matter what you do, we’re going to make an ass-ton of money.